the spark

Guest Blog: The Spark (By: @Keem0Therapy)

the spark

In movies we often see the perfect relationship. The needs of both parties are balanced out by each other making for the perfect couple and a happy ever after. Unfortunately we live in the real world where more often than not, that never happens.  Usually instead of having a connection with someone that would make sense logically, we usually find ourselves falling for the opposite, and when asked why we often can’t explain it, because feelings are rarely synonymous with logic. Rather, it’s a certain feeling, that causes you to stare at your phone waiting for a response, get a jolt of excitement when they’re in the same room, or examine tweets and pictures on Instagram a bit more carefully than usual; a spark. This post is dedicated to examining the spark, what it consists of, and how it differs person to person.

The spark is a mixture of things, that when combined form a distant attraction. This attraction is deeper than that of one that is purely comprised off of physical attraction. Being that the spark is comprised off of a combination of things different people can cause a different sized spark. The size of the spark is important because it can cause different behaviors ranging from changing small parts of your daily routine to become a borderline stalker.

Now the sparks consist of a lot of different things. For the most part includes some variation of the following: physical attraction, history, public perception, attention, difficulty in attaining, comfort level and dependability.

The Physical Attraction aspect of the spark is pretty self explanatory. The History aspect and the difficulty of attaining go hand in hand.  It usually works opposite for different sexes, males want the female with little history so they feel like they have accomplished something that other men couldn’t, adding to the male bravado.  Females usually like a man who has been with a lot of woman because they have this desire to be “the one that changed him.” Public Perception doesn’t necessarily mean a positive one; it’s more focused on the actual magnitude. Not whether the perception is good or bad, but is it a strong one, or is this someone who just blends in.  Perception is important when pertaining to the spark, especially the perception of friends. Of course these are generalizations, and plenty of exceptions to the rule apply.

The last two components of the spark take a little while to be produced unlike some of the others. However, the last two are usually the components that cause the biggest growth in spark and usually make it difficult to leave a partner despite situations that imply that leaving could be the best decision. It is human nature to be insecure, because of that we often protect ourselves by building these walls that don’t allow people to see ourselves as a whole. Once you let that wall down, allowing your Comfort Level to increase, you give someone access to you. Being vulnerable isn’t a feeling that we enjoy, so we often don’t give that opportunity to anyone, on the flipside when you do become vulnerable to someone the bond is harder to break.

Lastly, I will touch on the aspect of Dependability.Usually dependability is something we take for granted, and don’t usually notice until leaving a situation.  When you have someone who is willing to go above and beyond for you, and its suddenly taken away, it’s cause a sense of loss. You almost feel entitled, and feel that you are losing something that is rightfully yours.  This emotion usually morphs into some sort of jealousy.

Each person has a different spark index, a specific amount of each of these said components that create the biggest spark for them.  Each person’s spark index is different. This is the reason that usually in a situation one person has a bigger spark for another than it is in return. The ideal situation is creating a spark that as close to equal as possible for both people.