Two weeks ago I told my first love that I’m still in love with her. I actually poured my heart out to her, I didn’t hold back at all, must have been pretty overwhelming for her. But let’s start from the beginning, so you will understand why I’m still single.
It was my sophomore year in high school, and I didn’t really care for girls at that time. Now I know what you’re thinking, “he didn’t care for girls”. I mean, I had my crushes here and there, but I was more focused on school, so girls were the last thing on my mind, that was until my second day of school when I walked into Chemistry class (I absolutely hated Chemistry) and saw “her”. I stopped and stared at her, and at that moment nothing else mattered. I then asked my friend “Who is that?” and he replied “That would be Sharon.” Now some time has passed and me and Sharon actually became pretty good friends seeing how we had three classes and lunch together, so it was bound to happen. I liked Sharon a lot, but I wasn’t the guy for her. I was too shy, I was kind of quiet, I never spoke on my feelings, plus I wasn’t her type. But for some reason I didn’t give up, I never felt like this before, so I couldn’t just let it go, I knew eventually Sharon will be mine, so I was patient. I did everything a gentleman at the age of 16 should do, walk her to class, wait for her at her locker, save a seat for her at lunch, etc. My friends would always tell me “Man, you’re bugging.” But they never felt this feeling before so I can see why they would say that. The end of the school year was here and Sharon still only saw me as a friend, but I still had hope.
Now it was our junior year and I didn’t see Sharon all summer, but this time around I was playing it cool. I wasn’t gonna show her how excited I was to see her, she wasn’t gonna know how much I thought about her over the summer, I wasn’t gonna tell her I didn’t talk to other girls because I was secretly waiting for her. Instead all she was gonna know was that I had a good summer. Things were different, she was closer to me, we shared lockers this year, she acted like a girlfriend to me, but for damn sure wasn’t my girlfriend. I didn’t complain though, I loved it my feelings only grew stronger, and even though she didn’t admit it I knew this time around she had feelings too. I became the “cool guy” and was on the football team, I gained confidence and girls took notice, so did Sharon. I was happy, everything was going good, I was closer to Sharon, school was good, I still wasn’t getting that much playing time on the field but I was okay with that. I didn’t express my feelings as much this time around until one afternoon me and Sharon were texting back and forth and I said “I think I love you.” She stopped replying, and I’m thinking to myself “Oh my God, what did I just do?” Why would I say that? And over a text at that. I heard the text alert on my phone I wanted to ignore so bad, but I picked it up so fast only for her response to read “I don’t know what to say.” Which I totally understood, because it was a lot to take in. Now some time passed and I still only wanted Sharon. I didn’t give no girl the time of day and I was committed to a girl that I wasn’t even with (stupid I know). That was until one morning everything changed, Sharon handed me a note and it read “Will you be my boyfriend? Check yes, check no.” A little childish, I know but I loved it. I had no pen to check “yes” so I went to the teacher she tells me to sit back down, I asked the kid that says nothing all year, he just stares at me. So like a man I go up to her and say “yes”.
Now I was excited, I felt great, I was with the girl that I’ve had feelings for since I basically met her, I even finally got my first kiss from her, it was a great feeling, a feeling I couldn’t describe. A week went by, and Sharon broke up with me, my feelings were hurt, I was confused and I was shocked, and worst of all I couldn’t do nothing about it. Junior year was over and I lost hope.
I was hurt, but I wasn’t gonna let this ruin my summer, I was gonna enjoy it and have fun, it wasn’t gonna be like last summer when I didn’t go anywhere or do anything except for staying in the house and listening to sad love songs. I was so hurt that it was actually kind of weird, you would have thought my puppy died or something, and I didn’t even own any pets. I got a grip this summer I went out with friends, made new ones. I was still playing football for the school team so I had practice a lot, and this time around I was getting playing time. I kept busy, and Sharon was in my phone as “Mike Don’t Pick Up”. I was gonna be okay.
Senior year was here and I came back feeling good. Sharon wasn’t on my mind as much. I found a new confidence, I dressed better, girls liked me, I was the man. Now Sharon and I still shared lockers and my feelings were still strong, but this time around she wouldn’t know that at all. I’ve learned my lesson and I was a lot more careful & smarter. We still did a lot of the same things not much changed until one afternoon she asked me to be her boyfriend again, in my mind I’m yelling at her I’m furious. Didn’t she just break up with me last school year just to have the summer to herself? It all made sense now, but even so I still calmly replied “yes” because deep down inside this was the girl I loved and wanted to be with. Things went pretty smooth and everything was the same just now we had a title again. I was genuinely happy, but everything came crashing down few weeks later when I get phone call.
“Sharon! What’s up?”
“We gotta talk.”
“Is everything okay?”
“I’m sorry, I really am, but you feel way to strongly for me and I don’t feel the same way we’re better off just being friends.”
“You’re breaking up with me?”
“Yeah, I’m sorry.”
My heart dropped, she wasn’t gonna know how much pain I felt at that very moment. I wasn’t gonna tell her how bad my feelings were hurt. I wasn’t gonna let hear the anger and hurt in my voice, she wasn’t gonna know how bad my heart hurt, but instead I replied “Okay, I’ll see you around.” and we both hung up.
To be continued…