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An Open Letter To The Woman That Ruined My Life (By: @TheKabirReport)

Dear, {Insert Name Here}

As I’m writing this I know I’m making a huge mistake. Not really. What I’m really thinking is, “is this even fair to you?” I can’t single-handily blame you for my disastrous love life. In all actuality, it’s a culmination of my childhood and the lack of any romantic relationships during my hormonal youth. You just reacted to that end-result as any normal, functioning human would… you left. My childhood consisted of a shitty divorce, a divided home, and weekends with my mom, who resented the fact that I chose to live with my nicer, easier-going dad. I know what you’re thinking, {Insert Name Here}. Get over it! Everyone’s parents are divorced! You’re right, but this was the reality… so, really I should be writing a letter to my parents and not you.

Dear, Deborah & Kamal…

Actually, no. Let’s just keep it between us, {Insert Name Here}. After my parents separated there has only been a series of unhealthy relationships in their wake for me to observe in-between video game sessions. So, I have no basis for positive romantic partnerships. That, coupled with insecurities, my inability to connect emotionally, articulate my feelings, or turn off my sarcasm has left me alone.

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Then there’s you. You’re the person who “ruined my life”. I mean that in the nicest, most flatteringly (lol) way possible. Everyone has someone like you in their life. A romantic partner who changed the way they think about love, sex, magic… all that crap. Everyone has that one person that “got away”. That person who they think about once a month and wonder how things would be if it all worked out. Most annoyingly, everyone has that person they base all subsequent relationships and feelings of happiness against. It sucks, but everyone has that one person. And you’re that person for me. Congratulations… I guess. You obviously haven’t ruined my life, but when I meet a person and I feel a certain vibe, or when I do notice certain sparks flying, or they mention Dragon Balls without being prompted, I instantly compare those positive feelings to the feelings I had with you. And because I’ve re-edited our time together, and created the greatest hits of memories, nothing compares.

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And that is how you ruined a life. It’s not a big deal. Nothing compares… NoTHING compares… to you. But alas, here I am, still alive, still doing the same things that made you and countless other women leave me (I can actually count them). But I have grown. I’ve developed the ability to look inward. Well, at least enough to write a blog like this. I think I’ll find someone eventually.

Selfishly, I pray if you ever had to write a letter like this it would be addressed to me. The worst part is I don’t know for sure if it would be…

Kabir Olawale Lambo

P.S

It’s all downhill from here, kid.

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