Most men who want to have children dread the idea of having a daughter. Some say it’s because of karma and others fear daughters just because we understand how treacherous the world can be (particularly in accordance to men) for a woman. We all fear having a daughter who ends up on the pole, acting a fool on World Star Hip Hop, Montana Fishbourne, getting into an abusive relationship, or one who has low self-esteem/depression. As a father you want your daughter to have a great a life as possible and choose the path and relationships who will fulfill her the most.
A few weeks ago Nas dropped a single that really sparked a lot of thoughts and notions in my mind. His single “Daughters” speaks from the perspective of a man who is raising his daughter in 2012. The reason the song stuck with me is because of his honest portrayal of his triumphs, shortcomings, and future thoughts of being a father of a daughter. The song if you haven’t heard it is probably one of the most honest tracks about having a daughter from the male perspective that I have ever heard. The song inspired me to begin thinking about what kind of father I want to be. Now I don’t have any children myself let alone a daughter but I started to think what would be a few things I would tell my daughter.
Understand that No Man Will Ever Treat You As Good As Me
Fathers are supposed to set the example for their daughters of how a man is supposed to treat them. What he does for his daughter will be the standard that she looks at for what she will accept or expect from a man in a relationship. One of the things I see from some fathers is that they set the bar so high and spoil their daughter to the point that no man will ever be able to rise too. Not saying I will not spoil my daughter and make sure that she has everything she wants. But, I would also make her aware that way I love her and do for her can’t be equaled by any man because I AM HER FATHER. No man will love her as much as me. What I have seen is that some men don’t let their daughters understand the difference between them and the rest of the world and some women go out into the world having some over blown expectations.
Most Men Aint S*** and that Includes Your Father
This is the antithesis to the last note. I want my daughter to understand that most of the men she will meet in this world are really worth s***. I am not saying that their life isn’t worth anything or they aren’t great guys but the idea is that most men will not treat you like I do. I will let her know that honestly there are few women that a man will want to put into the wife category. That doesn’t mean she isn’t a great woman it’s just that dude wasn’t s*** in the first place. I want her to also understand that Daddy wasn’t immune to the same behavior I’m is speaking of! What does that mean? I would want to her to know that her father has treated more than his fair share of women not the best in his youth and he wasn’t s*** to a lot of women himself. She should just understand that the game is the game and serve with caution to men who want to latch on for ulterior motives.
The Energy You Put Out There is the Energy You Will Receive
Life is all about energy and it is something that rules the sphere of how this world turns. I would tell my daughter that whatever feelings and ideas she believes will become true. This is because what way she went about a situation she will receive in return. Everything won’t go exactly as she wants or planned but as long as she keeps a schism of good energy around her those things will attract to her. I will tell her to not be naïve but also know that the people and things that are attracted to us mostly come from something we are giving to universe in our feelings, emotions, or thoughts. So, I would tell her not to get too negative about people and things because she will be like a moth to a flame with that same energy she gives out.
The People Around You Are a Reflection Of Who You Are
This goes hand in hand with the previous thought . The people who you keep around you are a reflection of just as much as them. I would tell her that the people around her can show her a reflection of her life because we are all guilty and innocent by association. I would have her ask herself certain things. For instance:
If all of your friends have hoodrat tendencies than guess what 9 out of 10 times she would be.
If all the men she dates she feels aren’t quality men than what does that say about her.
The main point I would want to get across to her is summed up by Chris Gardner (Pursuit of Happyness fame): “You are who you associate with. Look around at your five closest friends that’s who you are. If you don’t want to be that person. You know what you got to do”.
You Will Never Be Happy With Any Man Until You Are Happy With Yourself
I would take my daughter on a ride and throw on the classic Mary J. Blige track “Be Happy” and let it play for a while and let the song soak in swirl around her head. Though this song was induced by her turbulent relationship with K-CI but, the message Mary conveys is the one I would want my daughter to take. She will never be able to be happy in anything especially a man if she can’t find happiness within herself. I want her to find happiness in who she is so she won’t be susceptible for looking in happiness in someone else. I will let my daughter know that if she herself isn’t happy she can let a man come in and be disruptive to her life or she could be the cancer for the man’s life. She continually chose unworth men or lose out on good men if she herself isn’t happy who she. I want my daughter to know that happiness isn’t in anything or anyone but is first found in her. The world around should compliment who she is already are NOT make her who she is to be.
Just like the Nas’ song I’m not saying this can’t be learned by our sons either it’s just felt like writing this post for my future daughter. It’s funny because I had so many points to this that I may have to do a part two this post…
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