This is a PSA from The Professor. Don’t get outraged, don’t get angry, just listen. “Dating down” is an ugly term that gets a lot of people up in arms, but it’s a real thing. Ladies, how many times were you walking in the mall or gone out to dinner with your friends and you see a handsome young man with a “Plain Jane”. You and your friends giggle and laugh about her poor appearance, but when you go home later that night your mind wanders as to why that homely girl had a very attractive mate, and you sleep with a body pillow? Fellas, you ever been out with the homies and you see a beautiful woman with some short, ashy, balding simp and she’s all over him like he plays for the Lakers? And the only girls that will talk to you are Skin Diamond and Roxy Reynolds? You might come to find that there are many people who have found happiness by “Dating Down”.
Are you tired of jumping through hoops just to make a potential significant other happy? Don’t you want to let your hair down (or put it in a wrap) and just be yourself. For the fellas, it can be so fatiguing chasing around a beautiful woman, competing for her attention. Ladies aren’t your thumbs tired from scrolling through all the profiles of all the girls who liked your potential boo’s Instagram pictures? “Dating down” isn’t a negative thing, wouldn’t it be a breath of fresh air to be with someone who is genuinely happy to be with you, and will take you to the movies at Providence Place and hold your hand proudly. Aren’t you tired of all those Lincoln and Attleboro movie trips shrouded in secrecy because he doesn’t want his other girls to see you? Are all those extra miles on your 99’ Maxima taking its toll on your soul? There’s an easy solution, take an honest look in the mirror, don’t let all those Instagram filters get to you and have you feeling like you’re a 9, when we all really know you’re a 6.5.
All jokes aside, “Dating Down” is an ugly phrase, when I have conversations with my friends I like to say that all we need to do is find someone in our “Strike Zone”. Find someone who compliments you, and you can be yourself around. You don’t want to feel like you’re in constant competition for your loves attention and affection. In doing research I came across a recent study published in the “Journal of Family Psychology” suggests that for women, dating a less attractive man may result in a happier, more emotionally satisfying relationship. Researchers from UCLA and the University of Tennessee gathered 82 couples in their mid-twenties who had married in the past year and had been together for almost three years prior, then filmed the couples discussing a personal problem. All the while, a panel of people evaluated who was the better looking individual in each pair. After analyzing the tapes, researchers discovered that in couples where the man was more attractive than the woman, he said often things such as, “This is your problem, you deal with it” whereas the unattractive hubbies were more apt to say things like, “I’m here for you — what do you want me to do? How can I help you?.” For those of you who failed reading comprehension in school, what the study is saying that a man with more options is less likely to attend to your wants, desires and needs because he knows that there is a line around the corner of women who would love to have him. “In fact, among couples where the husband was the looker, both partners supported each other less,” says Karney. “That implies when the husband disengages emotionally, the wife follows suit. Then no one is happy — it’s a vicious cycle.”
Karney compares a relationship between a female goddess and a less beautiful man to The Social Exchange Theory: “Simply put, people use a cost-benefit analysis when they think about entering or staying in a relationship.” A beautiful woman’s’ mate might not rival Trey Songz in the looks department but if he’s willing to please, emotionally engaged, and loyal, a woman will probably overlook his poor looks when deciding to give him a chance. Likewise, if a woman possesses beauty but, doesn’t earn a high income, a man will overlook that in exchange for being able to come home to a sexy woman every night.
We all would like to believe in the fairy tale, that we’re going to find our “Soul Mate” but we have to face reality that it’s likely not going to happen. We’d all be blessed to find a mate that we find attractive, share some commonalities and is somewhere stable. Ladies say they want a dude who is 6’5”, tatted up, good job, nice car, no kids, and only has eyes for her. When the truth is their ex-boyfriend was 5’7”, ashy, had fuzzy braids, and didn’t even have a car. Guys we’re no better. We say we want a chick with big ole ass, curves, nice hair, nice skin and classy. But your old girl had pancake buns, a refrigerator frame, lopsided breasts, acne and was ratchet as hell.
I’m not telling you to date down, but know yourself and make sure your with someone that “fits you”, and not someone whom your constantly having to compete for their attention. We must remember that key first word in the popular saying “Settle Down”, is settle, which means you have to come to terms that you will never find your “perfect” mate, but you can find someone that will make you happy. You have the right to be picky, but don’t be too picky, because every year that goes by, your potential dating pool shrinks. Don’t be that girl that is 37 in the club, dancing hard to every song looking washed up, trying to find someone. Don’t be that guy that loses out on that “good girl” because you want to chase tail all your life. Don’t be afraid to “date down”, embrace it and find you somebody to love, before you’re to washed up.