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4 People Still Blacker Than Rachel Dolezal

This white woman Rachel Dolezal has been passing as a black woman for a long time. Despite growing up with white parents, being of German and Czech ancestry and having a white experience she self-identifies as black. I’m still waiting for her to tell us this is all a prank, but it seems like she truly believes she’s black. I’m not mad at her at all. Despite over 500 years of oppression, black people are amazing and have a uniqueness that can’t be duplicated. I’m not upset at all because the woman is not black. I don’t think it’s worth our energy to yell her back to whiteness. I am upset at black people trying to defend her ridiculousness. Going to Howard, getting a tan, wearing box braids and running an NAACP chapter doesn’t make you black. Fighting for racial justice and equality doesn’t make you black either. In my life lifetime, I’ve lived in East Providence, grown up with white friends and went to The University of Rhode Island, a predominately white school… and I’m still black as can be! This idea that you can check a few items on a grocery list and have black is NOT a thing. There are black people who’ve done more to destroy the black community and who are still blacker than Rachel… sorry. It’s an experience, the way the world reacts to you, and the melanin in your skin. It’s not simply hobbies, favorite foods or music genres. It’s all that and so much more. Being able to “decide” that your black is the product of the White Privilege you’re trying to runaway from. Here are four people who, despite their best efforts, are still blacker than Rachel.

Raven Symoné

What a fall from grace. She started her career as the most adorable light-skinned toddler on The Cosby Show and black people across time and space excepted her with open arms. She emerged years later with That’s So Raven, one of my favorite shows on The Disney Channel in the 00s. After the show ended and Cheetah Girls faded away she reemerged as something very different. She said she no longer accepted labels and didn’t want to be called “African-American” anymore. She called herself “American” (a label) and a “human” (which is also a label). She even defended Rodner Figueroa, who called Michelle Obama a character from Planet Of The Apes. She clearly doesn’t want to be black, but she’s still blacker than Rachel.

Don Lemon

Black Twitter has clowned Don Lemon enough for two lifetimes. This man is only black because no one else will take him. He’s the worst kind of negro and seems uninterested in examining white supremacy or its effects on individual black people. In his mind, the world would be better if I just pulled up my pants. Sad to say.. he’s still blacker than Rachel.

Stacey Dash

Stacey shouldn’t be on this list. She has a much better black “resume” than Rachel. She made appearances on The Cosby Show and The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air, she starred in a Kanye video and her cousin started Roc-A-Fella! How do you mess that up!? Well, you can start by being a Republican, endorsing Mitt Romney, blaming Hip-Hop for all the ills of  the world and working for FOX News. If I need my fill of Dash I’ll watch Clueless. That’s all I need from her.

Barack Obama

He’s the son of a white woman born in Kansas and an African man born in Kenya. He was raised by his white mother in Hawaii and struggled with his identity as a black man. He lived the black experience despite being abandoned by his father and loving his white mother and grandmother dearly. Barack graduated from Columbia University and Harvard Law School. He is currently the President of the United States, the whitest job on the planet up until 2008. It seems like he’s spent the last 7 years pushing away from the black community and only mentioning us in truly disheartening moments. A lot of us thought the black condition would change radically with one of us in the White House, but that was never going to happen. Above all else the President has to maintain the status quo and power structure that allows the United States to remain a global superpower. Obama is literally half white and is still blacker than Rachel.

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